Tag: Anxiety

Four months without visiting any writer/author forums

Lynn

Back on September 30, 2018, I posted about burning bridges in some writer forums (well, Kboards to be specific) and my decision that forum culture wasn’t for me.

Since that day, I haven’t returned.

A few days after that, on October 1, I also left the only other author forum I was participating on, and I’m a much happier person because of that decision.

  1. I do not regret it in the least.
  2. I haven’t had any trouble staying informed about the important stuff in the indie publishing industry.

Suffice to say, I’m pretty happy about my decision to stay away. I don’t foresee myself returning, ever. And there are plenty of side-benefits to that decision, too.

  1. I have more time to write.
  2. I have more time to read (and watch TV). :D
  3. I have more time to chat one-on-one with friendly writers. (Thus reminding me that no, not all writers are assholes!)

Life is good. It’s more clear than ever that I was just using those places as a form of social connection and entertainment. The forums had no practical value in my life. They were, however, a huge source of stress and strife and conflict and I’m a better person for not having to deal with the anxieties those things cause.

Stuck in some kind of OCD loop right now

Lynn

Deleting 24 pages of posts from Kboards again. Maybe I just didn’t have anything compelling enough to keep my thoughts about this book at bay and I turned to this to distract myself…

Gah. Why do I do this to myself?

Anyway, down to 9 pages of posts and 2 of those pages are deleted topics. You can’t actually delete threads you created so I just delete the actual post and change the subject line.

Off I go to finish this so I can get back to writing.

Be back later. :o

DONE. Whew. I was starting to wonder if I’d be doing this all night.

Thinking about this now, I’m pretty sure I was in the midst of some kind of anxiety episode or something. All evening my skin has felt like it was crawling. I keep thinking I’ve got gnats biting me, but I don’t think there are any actual gnats, even though I’m sitting under a light in the dining room at the moment. I had a shower, and it seems to have helped me, but my skin still feels a bit crawly. I do know I was feeling anxious earlier, and I remember that, because I consciously chose not to make a second cup of tea today, thinking that maybe the caffeine had done it (it was green tea/herbal mix).

All I have to say for myself is that I’m taking my computer to bed with me (to get away from this dang light) and I am going to work on my book! Maybe not for the three hours I had planned and hoped for, but for at least long enough to get through chapters 15 and 16. I’m just not going to bed tonight until I’ve done it, and that’s final.

Be back later. (Although probably not to this post. And maybe not until tomorrow, depending how late I stay up writing!)

It’s well past noon and I have not finished my words today

Lynn

That title says it all: it’s past noon and I still haven’t reached 1,557 words.

What happened? I couldn’t stay focused and on task today.  At ALL.

It’s 4:16 in fact and here’s what I’ve done: I have 16 minutes left on my first 45 minute timer and I’ve written 346 words. That’s actually pretty good, because eyeballing that, it means I was writing at about 700 wph.

I was really into my scene too. But I started to get anxious and I had to take a break. Sometimes that happens when I’m thinking too hard or something. I get so excited that I have to jump up and move around or I feel like my brain is going to explode. It doesn’t really make sense but it can really derail what’s shaping up to be a great work session.

Well, it derailed my session, and although I’ve had multiple hours since all to myself and perfect for writing, it’s like I’m afraid to start again.

But it’s time. I really want to reach that minimum and I’m not going to do it by avoiding that timer!

Oh, and no more forums today until after I write those words! I am officially banning myself from all other internet uses until my spreadsheet shows 1,557 words for today’s count. >:{